Tag: life

Exploring Contemporary European Man in Szalay’s _All That Man Is_

February 13, 2026

The book All That Man Is by David Szalay has short stories about European men. The stories unfold chronologically from April to December, the first story starting with the youngest man, who is 17, and each subsequent story featuring an older man, culminating in the last story, which features a man who is 73.

The book has nine stories, starting with two students sightseeing in Berlin and Prague, followed by a young Frenchman vacationing in Cyprus. The subsequent stories are about a university student and his girlfriend driving ftrom Oxford, England to Poland; a bodyguard with his boss and the boss’ wife from Budapest working in London; a Danish journalist digging up dirt on a politician in Amsterdam; an English realtor selling condos in the Swiss Alps; an Englishman living on the Croatian Riviera; a Russian oligarch trying to commit suicide on his yacht on the Mediterranean, and a retired British diplomat living in Italy.

The stories center on white, heterosexual European males traveling or living in a country other than their home in Europe. Does this group of characters represent what it means to be the typical European man today, as the book’s title suggests? I think the author is exploring whether these men collectively illustrate a modern archetype.

I really enjoyed the book. The stories are compelling with well-written plots and fascinating characters whose problems feel real. The smooth language is punctuated by dialogue, balancing longer passages introducing the characters and describing the localities.

Some events are quite funny, as in the story where a married woman in Prague tries to seduce a young, shy boy and ends up sleeping with boy’s friend. Or, when the oversized girl and Bernard put the mattress on the floor in the Cyprus hotel in order to accommodate their lovemaking. However, the author never mocks the inept subjects. Instead, he uses gentle language to describe their frailties and haplessness.

A recurring theme in the stories is the lack of, or search for, meaning in life. This led me to question whether Szalay portrays contemporary European men as lacking purpose, ambition and opportunities, focusing instead on vacations, drinking, and sex. Through these motifs, the book prompts us to ask: Is this what defines the European man today?

An interesting writing craft the author uses is leaving the stories hanging at the end, with no conclusion about what happens next. For example, when the student finds out that his girlfriend is pregnant, he assumes an abortion will solve the problem, while the girlfriend absolutely refuses to do so and wants to keep the baby. The story ends without the reader knowing what happens with the couple. Another example is the Russian oligarch who wants to commit suicide but does not know how to do it. Again, the reader is left with uncertainty about what happens in the end. I found the stories with uncertain conclusions entertaining, leaving the reader to speculate about potential ends.

The stories are realistic; the plots are familiar. The book In Praise of Older Women came to mind while reading the first two stories about young men and older women (Stephen Vizinczey, 1978). The realtor story recalled brochures for ski chalets in Canada, and the story of the Hungarian woman in London reminded me of Central European girls brought to the US for prostitution. The Danish minister’s affair with a married woman is typical of politicians’ scandals. Such familiar situations made the book feel genuine to me.

The short stories also reminded me of Alice Munro’s work, such as Runaway (2004). However, in contrast to the women who suffer in Munro’s stories, the men in Szalay’s stories end up the losers. For example, Murray, retired on the Croatian Riviera, is chasing validation of his masculinity by going after a barmaid, and when losing her to a Dutch friend, he goes after the barmaid’s mother, not upscale choices by any standard.

If Szalay’s stories attempt to define the contemporary European male, I wonder about their lasting relevance. As Europe’s demographics change, will the image of the European man in this book remain accurate or become outdated? The book was short-listed for the Man Booker Prize, and I found it thought-provoking and enjoyable.

Reflecting on Daily Life: My First Journaling Experience

February 9, 2026

Digital media often invades privacy, or should I say always. Ads for shoes, books, and cars follow online searches. Banners even remind me to journal (writing down daily thoughts, feelings and experiences). I’ve never done this before but yesterday was both challenging and interesting and decided to put it to writing.

Yesterday was challenging because the garage door would not open. Both cars were locked in, leaving us immobile with no public transit nearby. It took time to discover the problem—the spring was broken. Bottom line: I couldn’t get the 2010 Mazda3 to a repair shop for an appointment. The car needed a diagnosis for a knocking noise when turning right, and the brakes were pulsating.

I tried to disengage the door from the lift engine and just push it up. Because the spring was broken, the door was too heavy for me to lift. I used an 8-foot-long 2×4 stud as a lever but still could not lift it. A neighbor came over to help me. Together, we raised the garage door and put a stud under it to keep it from closing. I managed to drive the car to the repair shop, arriving late for my appointment.

Addressing the garage door issue promptly was important, as an open garage without cars inside can jeopardize security. Once I managed to drive out, I called the repair service, and fortunately, they had time in the afternoon to come over to fix it. This was an unanticipated and unwelcome expenditure, adding to the day’s complexity; I got lost driving to the garage even with my GPS on. I took an Uber taxi home.

Yesterday’s other event that made an impression on me involved the Uber driver and the two garage door technicians—all were recent immigrants. It made me wonder: are most service workers in Canada immigrants? While my sample was small, I found it interesting that all of them I met in one day were newcomers.

In halting English, the Uber driver related that he came from Cameroon 8 months ago; he was French speaking. This was his first winter in Canada. I gathered that he had three children under 10 years of age, and that his wife worked as well; they needed two incomes for the family to live. Driving a cab gave Yves, the driver, the opportunity to get home when the children needed him.

He could not find employment in Cameroon in his field, food processing, and immigrated to Italy, where his wife was already living. There, however, he felt that Italians were too close-knit and would not embrace foreigners. For example, he said he never saw a black bus driver in Milan. So, they decided to come to Canada and arrived last summer. On this day, the temperature was minus 20 degrees Celsius or minus 4 degrees Fahrenheit yesterday, a huge climatic difference from Cameroon.

I also had interesting conversations with the two technicians who came to fix the garage door in the aafternoon. The lead technician was from Punjab, India. With his Punjabi accent, he explained the meaning of ‘Punjab’ to me; it means ‘five rivers’ in Punjabi. He also talked about the partition of India while instructing the other repairman, who identified himself as a Palestinian.

Talking with the Palestinian, I learned that he grew up in Jordan but never goes to Gaza, where he has relatives, because of the Israeli road checks. In spite of carrying a Canadian passport, whenever he tried to cross into Gaza, the Israeli soldiers harassed him. So, he no longer visits. On leaving, he advised me to oil the moving parts of the garage door a few times a year and showed me the product he used, which is available at Home Depot. I never thought of oiling the garage door before, a learning experience.

Meeting three immigrants prompted me to reflect on Canada’s diversity. Statistics show that 1 in 4 Canadians is a first-generation immigrant, and another 17% are second-generation. Over 40% of the population has recent immigrant roots—it’s a remarkable diversity. I would not be surprised to find Canada to be the most diverse country in the world.

Late afternoon, I called the repair shop to check on my car. I was shocked to learn their huge estimate to make the car “safe” again. However, after discussing it with the mechanic and hearing his detailed explanation, I felt confident in his recommendation. I realized I had not had the car repaired for years, I thought it was indestructible.

I had to decide whether to choose repairs, knowing that more issues might arise soon, or consider buying a new/used one. First, I thought it was time to trade up. However, I reconsidered; the suggested repairs could extend the car’s use for another year or two. I have spent nothing on this car for years, and I liked the gearshift; they do not make gearshift cars anymore.

Reflecting on journaling, I do not expect every day to be as eventful as yesterday, worthy of journaling. Writing the journal required time and thought. It made me realize the importance of maintenance and discovered the impact of immigration on Canada via direct experience. Some days may be less striking, but journaling can still offer value.

Finding Travel Partners: Lessons from Ottawa West Probus

February 6, 2026

I was disappointed attending an organizational meeting for a travel group. The Ottawa West Probus Club decided to establish a travel interest group. A volunteer arranged the meeting to discuss what we should do. We met in a cold church room with no coffee provided. A poor beginning for me. On top of this, only five people showed up, including me. A very inauspicious start, when we have two hundred people in the Probus Club.

Right off the bat, someone mentioned privacy concerns. She took exception to the spreading of personal emails; I assumed she was referring to the invitation to this meeting. I wondered how difficult it would be to organize a group without using email today. Should we use a phone instead and call each participant? Would that be time-consuming? The same person also expressed a dislike for people taking pictures when the lunch group meets.

After this curious discussion of privacy issues, the organizer asked what we wanted to get out of this meeting! Since this was the second meeting of this group, and since only I and another person were new, I thought the purpose of this group had already been established. But no, the agenda was wide open.

I suggested three options based on experience: holding monthly meetings with travel slide shows, inviting guest speakers from travel companies, or organizing group trips ourselves.

These options were not what the organizer had in mind; she explained that this group would serve only as a “travel dating” site, where people with similar travel interests would be introduced to one another. And once such a group coalesced, they would handle travel arrangements like flights, hotels, and tours. Ok. But why is such a service needed?

Well, she explained, people do not like to travel solo and look for company. Family or friends, I assume. The assumption is that people do not find family members or friends available to travel with and look for travel companions with similar interests, likely members of the Probus Club.

I agree with her opinion. It is a challenge to find friends or family to travel with, as preferences for travel differ—some enjoy cruising, while others prefer five-star hotels. Our nascent travel group aims to connect Probus Club members with similar travel interests and preferences.  

The idea of traveling in a group with local people made me think of what we used to do. We used to arrange our trips and travel with a backpack, just the two of us. We looked forward to meeting local people in faraway countries, tasting their food, whether spicy or not, and learning about their culture. Getting lost on our way was always a highlight, a learning experience, and I thought we were enriched by such unanticipated adventures.

I am not sure that I want to travel with our Probus friends; in fact, traveling with a group often limits interaction with locals. Guided tours are efficient for planning, but limit opportunities to engage with locals. Some prefer arranged trips, while others enjoy planning their own trip.

I left the meeting with no information on the next steps. But it has become clear to me that the organizer should explain the idea for this travel group in the Probus Club newsletter. And that there should be a structure in place to allow people to sign up for trips of their choice.

Considering all this, I left the meeting seeing limited value of this travel group for our Probus Club. But I give full credit to the organizer for trying to get this group off the ground.

Note: Probus is a worldwide organization run by volunteers. It is a non-profit organization for semi-retired and retired professionals and businesspeople, with no political or religious ties.   It started in the United Kingdom by a Rotary Club.

Retirement Reflections: Stories and Lessons Learned

September 6, 2025

Standing on our dock by the lake, we engaged in conversation with a woman paddling in a kayak. She introduced herself by sharing that she had just retired at the age of fifty-six after teaching for thirty-two years at the high school level. She expressed that the energy to get up in the morning and face her students was no longer there. Although she didn’t have a specific plan for her retirement yet, she was enjoying exploring the lake by boat and getting involved in her community’s social activities. She hoped she had made the right decision to retire and not work longer.

In contrast, when I had a tooth extracted the next day, the technician said she enjoyed her job and has yet to consider retiring after spending forty-two years in the office.

I compared the experiences of these two people with the retirement of some family members. My cousin secured a job right after graduating from university and spent decades enjoying his work without giving retirement a thought. However, he lost his job at age 76 due to organizational downsizing. He sought similar positions elsewhere but was unable to find one, even with the help of a job hunter. So, he turned to podcasting about making drinks with his dog as an observer and taster, keeping him engaged. Another example was my mathematician brother, who dedicated his life to teaching and writing papers until his passing. He never pursued hobbies; to him, mathematics was his passion.

These examples prompted me to reflect on whether there is an ideal age to retire. I thought of a couple of friends who retired in their early fifties.

One friend started a business after retirement, at age fifty, inspired by his passion for photography. The company closed within a year, likely because the goals he set were difficult to attain. After that experience, he took on a volunteer responsibility of leading the local photo club for several years. Eventually, he and his wife purchased timeshares in the Caribbean and began cruising around the world. His interest in photography, cruising, and staying at timeshares has ebbed recently.

Another friend retired at age fifty-four. During the summer season, he cycled and became the leader of the local bicycling club. During the winter season, he and his wife traveled internationally until they decided to stay in Mexico during the winter to escape the cold Canadian winters. His cycling days are over, but they still go to Mexico for the winter.

Both friends retired thirty-two years ago, which, in one case, is longer than the length of his working life.

Interestingly, both individuals tend to express conservative views on topics such as politics, crime, and the environment. In particular, I am surprised to hear from one that climate change is not real and from the other that environmental studies are a waste of money. Were my friends consistently conservative, or have they become so after a long period of retirement?

It is also noteworthy that both of these friends had employment with one organization from their college graduation to their retirement. And they did not seek out another job after leaving their first and only job in their career. They retired relatively early, possibly because their roles within their workplace no longer provided sufficient challenges, or there may have been incentives for them to leave.

My experience has been different. I moved from working in the public sector to the private sector and then to my own consulting business. I enjoyed all of my jobs, public and private, and continued working until much later in life than many people.

In my last career as a consultant, the work was very exciting and interesting until I acquired some clients whom I found unpleasant to work with. I also started traveling, and other hobbies gradually took priority, making the consulting work less appealing. No question, changing jobs and facing new challenges made work enjoyable and satisfying.

I have always sought something meaningful in my retirement, such as international charity work and writing a memoir, which prompted me to take writing courses to improve my writing skills. The most boring time for me is when I have no projects on the go. Paradoxically, that is also the time for dreaming up new projects.

My conclusion on the subject of retirement is that if you are happy with your work, keep on working.

Avoiding Arguments with Family: Strategies for Difficult Conversations

August 29, 2025

I was quietly reading my book when I heard an escalating argument with both sides raising their voices. Curious about what was happening, I stepped in and discovered it was a family dispute centered around MAGA-related issues. My wife questioned why we have soldiers stationed in Washington, DC, while her brother claimed that crime in DC is a significant problem and that Trump would be the one to fix it. My wife cited reputable sources showing that the crime rate in DC is at its lowest point in thirty years, but her brother dismissed these facts as incorrect. We have all lived in DC, and while crime has been an issue in some parts of the city in the past, the overall rates have improved.

So, where do we go from here? Arguments like this are becoming increasingly common in our conversations. Discussions with family members often revolve around news, especially topics related to politics and current events.

Having different opinions is perfectly normal. The problem arises when individuals repeatedly make the same points without considering opposing viewpoints. Additionally, people’s beliefs tend to remain relatively stable; some are inherently opinionated and stick to their views even when presented with contradictory facts. Some individuals are misinformed rather than ignorant, often consuming news media that aligns with their beliefs. As a result, their echo chamber reinforces their existing perspectives.

As a middle child, I often find myself playing the role of mediator. Sometimes, I avoid discussing controversial subjects altogether. Other times, I share my own views, and when others disagree, I emphasize that I respect differing opinions. However, I find it frustrating when others fail to see things from my perspective or consider my viewpoint.

The key concern is how to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner with family, especially when some members may support the MAGA movement—or we believe they do. It’s essential to acknowledge that some individuals enjoy arguing, but we aim to avoid conflicts during dinner and steer clear of topics that could lead to disagreements.

One way to prevent arguments with MAGA supporters might be to avoid inviting them to family gatherings. However, this feels too extreme because we value our connection with family. If we can’t discuss current issues among ourselves, to whom can we turn for peaceful conversations? Siblings should be able to sit down together and discuss controversial topics without resorting to loud and heated exchanges.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, we’re considering whether to invite the entire family while also trying to avoid verbal conflicts. Should we include all family members and risk a confrontation, or should we exclude those likely to bring up controversial subjects? How do you handle similar situations with your family?