Is Touching Wrong?

January 16, 2024

The service at our favorite Sunday breakfast place was disappointing today. Usually, the hostess welcomes us, leads us to a table of our choice, and in a minute a waitress appears with coffee, ready to take our order.  Not today. We sat down and waited and waited.

Getting impatient to get our morning caffeine fix, Kathy asked a waiter walking by if we could get some service. In another five minutes, a waitress appeared and asked us if would like some coffee and said she would be back in a minute to take our orders. After a rather long time, coffee materialized on our table, but no order was taken.

In the past, the waitress asked if we were ready to order when delivering the coffee, but not this time. Since we have been coming here for years, we know what we like and order when the waitress appears. This sportsbar with multi-TVs on the walls showing hockey and other games, is doing phenomenal breakfast business on Sundays, and ordering early gets our food on the table before finishing our first cup of coffee.

Other customers came in and sat across from us and our waitress came with coffee and asked if they were ready to order while we were still waiting. That was upsetting; we were there long before the new customers and several others in “our zone” had even come and had waited patiently for service, assuming that the waitress was busy with other customers.

To get the waitress’s attention in the loud buzz, instead of shouting, which would have been impossible anyway because of the din, Kathy tapped the waitress’s arm. That did get her attention, and she turned around and told Kathy in an abrasive tone: “Do not touch me”!

Her reaction and tone of voice surprised me, but we asked her if she would take our order before filling the others. I also told her that the service today was inferior to what we were used to at the restaurant.  Offended, she claimed that she had other tables to serve as if we did not know that and as if that were an excuse for the poor service, without so much as an apology for overlooking us, which would have been understandable.   But then she hustled off to place our order in the kitchen without going back to the other customers to take their orders.

She never came back after this incident to fill up our coffee cups but hustled around a few times filling the cups of the other customers all around us. She studiously avoided making eye contact with us.

Another waitress came to fill up our coffee and delivered our orders to our table.  The second time she came to refill our cups, I asked her if she was now our waitress waitress. She seemed surprised that we did not know but confirmed that she was, and offered to fetch the manager if we had some issues with the service today. I had the impression that there was more to the story from the waitress’s comment.

We said “Sure”, and the manager appeared in a minute and profusely apologized for the service today, explaining that our first waitress “felt uncomfortable” by Kathy touching her arm and asking for another waitress. A friendly discussion ensued, and we assured her that we had always enjoyed our breakfast experience at the restaurant up until today. On leaving, the manager touched both Kathy and me a few times on the arm in a friendly, reassuring manner.

Although possible, I cannot believe that a young woman, a waitress doing her job, touched by someone who could be her grandmother, would feel uncomfortable by the physical contact. In a busy restaurant, there are ample opportunities for physical contact, intentional or not. I rather think that she took offense at us for having the temerity to ask a waiter to get service, implying that she was not doing her job.

Although we enjoyed our breakfast after the second waitress took over, what bothered me was the expressions used in this incident: “Do not touch me” and “The touching made her uncomfortable”. I have heard many stories recently taken up by human rights commissions about physical, psychological, and sexual abuse, bullying, discrimination, and similar accusations. I could see this young waitress following up on an incident like this and creating a huge hew-haw for nothing. Where do these young people today acquire this attitude of righteousness, to give expression to their dislike of being told to do their job? She was slow in providing service and wrong in not serving clients in the order they came in. Surely one can make mistakes, we all do, and the simple solution is to apologize.